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Dress Rehearsals
Some events in life are so important that we practice them in advance - to be sure we are prepared! We rehearse our lines if we are in a play; we practice waking down the aisle before our wedding; and if we are nervous about asking our boss for a raise, we plan our remarks (and overcoming her objections) in our minds. What more joyous (and painstaking) process is there in life than preparing for our first baby's arrival? A dress rehearsal automatically signals that we must be on time, focused on the job at hand, fully prepared to play our part, and open to making changes if adjustments are needed.
I believe that people should rehearse, step-by-step, how they would respond to unexpected turns in life and whether they are prepared to do so. This kind of rehearsal goes beyond simply buying financial products (although they may be indicated) and it is more intensive than having a will prepared (although this is always a good idea). I counsel my clients to play out - mentally - what would happen if...
There are several occurrences that I see fairly often, many times after it is too late to prepare properly. Often, they result from simple lack of forethought.
For example, although many people have disability insurance as part of their employment benefits, and although long-term care insurance is becoming popular, I find that many folks don't know what they actually cover and how the insurance would help them in certain events. I pose this question: If your spouse became completely disabled or suffered from a debilitating illness - what would you do? Could you afford to quit work and be a caretaker? Or, do you actually know if your insurance will provide convalescent or nursing care on a long-term basis?
Second marriages, in particular, can create unexpected and unfortunate results. For example, it is a fairly common planning device to include a trust in the wills of spouses in a second marriage. The surviving spouse has the use of the estate assets during life and, upon death of the surviving spouse, the remainder goes to the children from the first marriage. On paper, this trust makes sense: the surviving spouse has a means of support during life, but the stepchildren are certain to receive whatever is left of the assets when the surviving spouse dies. In reality, however, this trust may be a recipe for hard feelings, distrust, and family fractures. (It is potentially even more disastrous when the surviving spouse or the children are the trustees of the trust!) It is sad, in a time when the survivors could comfort each other about their mutual loss, that many completely sever communication and hire lawyers to do battle over the will! If only the spouses had rehearsed and recognized the simple question, "If I am deceased, and my spouse is spending theses assets, how will my children feel? Won't they think she is spending their money?"
In short, it is a pleasure to rehearse for happy events, but we are all shy of contemplating illness, tragedy and death. As a practical matter, however, we may make more prudent decisions if we think through the possibilities as if they were real. With forethought, we can even minimize the burden on our loved ones when life takes an unexpected turn.
If I can help you with a check-up on your plans, please call me, Michael Wald at (972) 690-9700.
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